jamie's wanderings

 Last night, we found ourselves sitting on the foot ball pitch in the coastal village we are currently in for a few days. Its super hot in Granada, and I knew that today (Monday's) work was only phone calls and messages and in person could wait until tomorrow. So we stayed and went to the see the Spanish-Argentine final with about 2000 or so passionate fans of all ages, from the tiniest ones to the oldest ones. In front of the jumbotron where all the families with picnic blankets and beach chairs and all the younger punks with drums and horns and screaming shouts in the bleachers behind us, just like bleacher bums in the baseball games in the US. Never have I had so many goosebumps and ups and downs in the 90 minutes of game and the agony of the 30 minute overtime as Spain ground down Argentine, stood up to their bullying behavour. I've never screamed so hard for a red card when a yellow one was given instead and when it was finally given, screamed OTRA (another one) with all t...

 There is a lot of discussion about gender, roles and what these all mean, and it is only gotten worse since I was a kid. And maybe because it is the end of pride month, but I've thought alot about it the last couple of days, and my MO is to write things out, so here goes. Andrew and I have been watching an old show, Stargate, made in the late 90s early 2000s and one of the main female characters keeps impressing me. She's military, short blond hair they grow out later (probably just for a change) and keeps up with the boys, but by no means do they make her butch. She's a woman, a scientist, the smartest one of the bunch, yet has romance and feelings and wisdom and connection that they all look and need desperately. At the same time, I'm watching the men in Venezuela rescue people from the horrific double tap earthquake that toppled building like they were mere legos. The rescues themselves are enough to give you goosebumps, but it's what you see and hear the men sa...

 There is a man, who is becoming a better friend every time he steps into our flat, and we give him house shoes, who hails from far off places. He sits on my sofa, and weaves tales of near and distant past as we discuss life, love, and current events that so deeply touch his heart and home. He is married to a friend, actually, I married them in a ceremony and Andrew was the witness in their legal marriage. One Christmas, as his wife worked in far off places, he came for Christmas dinner, heavy with sweets from a local pastry shop in his village. We ate and drank caramel vodka, and as we talked about what Christmas met, and told him the story of the Kings who came and bore Jesus presents, his eyes widened. "My people are in the story" he exclaimed. And we compare religions, for much like him, we were born into one and have learned about others as we work and live and breathe in life. To compare the two extremes is to see both sides of one coin of authoritarianism and control a...

 I remember the first time I felt and realized what art was. I was a freshman in college and our assignment was to go to the Chicago Art Institute and find two paintings and write a comparasion/contrast paper. In that simple assignment, I learned about the transcendence of art and how it communicates in ways, we can't even understand. So, I remember, those first moments. I had a horrible copy of Starry Night by Van Gogh on my college wall for a couple of years and into my first married moments. I remember going with Andy Marner to see the Monet exhibit with his mom and sister. I remember reading about Picasso's Guernica with Peter Jones and understanding Picasso on a deeper level at the small museum in Malaga....and the list goes on and on and on. I'm also a halfway decent forger of things I like. I have a drawing somewhere of Van Gogh bedroom, the brightest one of the three and some of Mattisse's thoughts of Morocco. The artists that colored outside of the lines, these...

 There is a woman, the first woman in the book of John, that speaks to Jesus as he sits by a well in the heat of the day. We find out she has had five husbands, and the man she is with isn't her husband at all. She realizes who Jesus is and she is changed then and there and forever in realizing He is the real Messiah. I used to think I couldn't identify with her. I don't have 5 past husbands. 5 failures. Who knows, was she like King Henry, divorced beheaded died divroced behaded survived? The weight of that trauma. That pain. And in an instant, she was seen loved forgiven. But as I've moved through life, I realize I have had pain. Death of family and friends. Death of relationships I thought would be forever. A constant thorn in my flesh as my body thinks kidney stones are fun. And now, a string of clients young and old desperate to leave their countries and find peace. Their trauma is heavy to hear and I'm here to help them as they unpack it. But for me to do so, I...

  I just helped a little family of three find a place to stay for a month until a more permament rental comes available. They are young, not yet 35 years old, and they come from a place that used to be safe, happy and free, and now they have come to make a new life, a fresh start here in the town I live in. Their small daughter danced around with glee in their new place and I could see the tired overtake their eyes as they finally found a place to find peace. The idea that salvation and redemption are spiritual concepts reserved for the next life to come are far too limiting. For those of you who know me well, you know that I am a person of faith, and I do believe that salvation and redemption are given to us from God as gifts, if we ask. And sometimes, even when we don't. Jesus walked through life on this planet, and showed people that they could be freed, healed, saved from themselves and their situations and it was all then and there. He spoke a new Kingdom, that didn't look...

 To reduce Jesus's act of love on the cross to a get out of hell ticket is to reduce this amazing, glorious moment that marks history to a lottery ticket for all. It was not just salvation for the next life. It was not just His sacrifice for his friends. It was not merely a satisfying of God's wrath on sin. His death wasn't just because empire demanded it. It wasn't just the religious leaders that demanded it. The crowd screamed Crucify. And empire bended to keep to the peace. He did it knowing, that without it, we would never fully understand love and the sacrifice it demands. And now, we have weaponized Christianity. We have adored the cross more than the man who died upon it. We have focused on what the death paid for, rather than the freedom we have, and the Kingdom HERE NOW. We still want a King that rules politically, and instead he came on a small donkey, crying for peace, weeping over Jerusalem, talking about a Kingdom that's here and now but doesn't loo...

 I mean, I can't not write about Benito's Bowl. I was dedicated and sat up until 2am to watch it. I twisted Andrew's arm, which isn't hard to do when you say music and amazing dancing are coming. And Bad Bunny, or Benito did not disappoint. There is so much he crammed in 15 minutes. The imagery, the bodega, the taco truck which really does exist in LA, the dancers ,the broken light poles, the real wedding with the little girl that danced with Uncle Bennie and the little boy half asleep on the chairs. Lady Gaga as the salsa wedding singer (NY!) and the cameos of all the favorites. Ricky Martin crying his eyes out as he pleaded we don't do the same with PR as we did with Hawaii. And, the little boy receiving Benito's Grammy as he sat in front of a TV showing Big Bunny's win last Sunday. Sigh. I still have goosebumps. Guys, this is real art. It confronts us. It communicates a need a passion a culture a desire a longing. It unifies or divides. It brings both JOY...

 How a tall dark reggaeton singer from Puerto Rico inspired me this week? Guys, its been a week. Between one thing and another, I broke down hard crying this morning. I won't bore you with details, but its hard to work within the self employed structure in Spain, and its not for the weak of heart. And its not stopped raining after 3 weeks of water water water everything, raging river behind my house and flooding to the west of us. Even the sweetest listing agent in the world I've worked with for the last 10 days told me yesterday that his own house was flooded. I had forgotten how this sort of thing triggers me from past experiences that today we aren't going to discuss. But in the midst of it all, I watched Bad Bunny, or Benito, a tall man who used to bag groceries by day and make music by night, win the first ever Grammy for best album of the year for an album done ENTIRELY in Spanish. And even more so, Benito's Spanish, that is from Puerto Rico, its own brand of vodk...

      It's an overwhelming world. Rain and the coldest month of the year never help the feels, and to watch the world descend into chaos while that's happening, even more disheartening.     On an international level, to quote the old book, it is full of wars and rumors of wars, and over all, a lot of unrest. On a personal level, its a low moment, and I'm hopeful it doesn't last long.     I have remembered lately friends of the past and how they touched my life to keep me going, and I've just learned on a deeper level that an old friend has experienced some of the same issues I've discussed in this blog, in the words of his wife, "he was accused of not preaching the Gospel in his sermons."     This accusation has been tossed towards me more than once and again and again, and to see it thrown against people I know to be Christ followers, makes me even more determined as I sit here in my chilly living room this rainy end of Jan night. What is th...

It's not been a week since my last blog, and yet, the heart is so overwhelmed, it needs to write. My brother Jason encouraged me earlier this year that I should write more as creativity is what we all need in this moment. Again, as I've stated, by no means is this blog political. I have always wished to protray in my social media and internet sphere as a person of faith, of living in another culture I wasn't raised in, an academic and a businesswoman, not always in that particular order. But its too heavy. A woman made a decision and a man made a decision. Her's did not appear to threaten life, his took hers and he called her out with the worst slur for a man to call a woman in the English language. And worse yet, because everywhere, men demean and degrade women they feel they most impose their power upon, he was defended, whisked away to an unknown location. And we may never see any sense of justice or truth, instead we see coverup and lies. Many on social media this w...

 Two days into the new year, 2026, and I met someone that felt like I was looking the mirror, but a long time ago. And I cried. And hope flooded back. How did this go? Friends were invited, suddenly came and all together, the little family and Andrew and I found a place for food. We sat and had pizza. J, (which felt fun because I'm James to my family and my brother is Jay) asked me politely what I did. For an almost 15 year old, I was impressed with their ability to start a conversation. In this day and age, so many teenagers could care less about the older person sitting next to them at the pizzeria. So I gently explained, and they looked me straight into my eyes and I said, I don't think I could sell houses. I don't think I read people very well. I paused. I remember saying such things at 15 years old, and then people realized what that was, and they challenged me. Or they didn't. And I remember those moments so clearly like a bell. And it all came rushing back as I l...

 There is a question that goes around social media as of late, and it says, What radicalized you? And so this blog is the answer to that question. And the other stimulus is seeing a whole lot of hate, prejudice and misunderstanding floating around against Islam. I've spent a lot of time Islam adjacent. I studied it a lot in high school and college, and went to two countries before I celebrated my 21st birthday. that the majority of the population would identify as Muslim. Now, for over 22 years, I have lived in Granada, a city in which for over 700 years was the Shangri la of the Islamic world, full of art culture history medicine and law as a result. Yes, medicine and law as we understand them now, began here. Finally, my personal group of friends for over 15 years has included men and women from different parts of the Islamic world. No names here, but they have done nothing but enrich my life, and helped me learn more about this world I live in. So, when I see extreme posts about...

 This month has been one of deep reflection, art and mystery and I think most end of the years should be like this. We are now on the edges of Christmas, with this week being the first Sunday of Advent. And building up to this point I've been privy to a great deal of art and music that has helped heal my soul But one of the breaking moments I've experienced was today. There is a social media account of a southern US man talking about the culture of that world, and it broke me. See, I didn't grow up in the South, but my Mom's mom and grandma were Nana and Nanan respectively and that shows you they were from West Virginia. Well, this man talked about the church ladies that raised him, comforted him and nurtured him, and just hearing about his experiences brought tears to my eyes and memories that bubbled over. The Thanksgivings my Nana made a dozen pies, and then we snuck in the night before to consume one without her knowledge....with Grandad. Going to my Aunt Jane's...

 Autumn is a season of nostalgia and its probably why elements of it I really don't care for as much as others do. I enjoy a pumpkin spice latte, my favorite holiday (after Easter) is Thanksgiving, and in Andalucia, the air is finally cooler and windows are thrown open, even if the one damn desert mosquito finds you in the middle of the night. These are great, but the darkening days are not my favorite. I actually count the weeks down until Winter Solstice, and rejoice greatly the instant the earth turns again towards the sun. It's probably one reason why we got married in April instead of November. A bit of the nostalgia today stems from the fact that last blog, I closed out my rants on perhaps what some might call the deconstruction of what I believe. I'd like to call it the renewal of it instead, and this blog return to creativity of the present and the future and not what happened in the past and my logical, visceral and intellectual discoveries through it all. And my b...

 Looking back over the posts I've done for the last 2 years, I can see its been a bit of a manifesto, or maybe because that word is tinged with too much negativety, a sort of thesis. Martin Luther did his, and since he didn't have the internet, he pegged his to the door of a building so that all could see and read. This, is my way of pegging it to the door. What the good news God has given us is. What it isn't. And how I, as an American happily transplanted to Spain, have learned in the 22 years (as of 2 days ago) what it looks like to live and work out my own faith in fear and trembling in a world of which I was not raised, but now call my home. These questions are never going away, as life changes and we adapt, we still ask the same questions, and are reminded of these answers and of these, I am not ashamed of them. The good news is God wants to give us abundant life, and freedom, and life that is full of Love, Patience, Peace, Kindness and Joy. In contrast to the bad new...

 I've been privy to a religious meeting with powerful religious fervor. And in more than one expression of faith. It's amazing. And sometimes I've experienced it even outside of a religious context. The connection you experience when a group of people, maybe 3 or maybe 30,000 comes together for a common goal, a cause, a belief. It gives me goosebumps remembering moments of connection to each other and the Divine. Some have been concerts, others worship services, and some just being together in the same room with a guitar and a few voices and suddenly you've been caught into a moment of pure and amazing ecstasy. That dopamine rush is unlike any others, not the one you have during sex or finishing a long race, or picking up a small baby to meet him or her for the first time, or your first kiss or hand hold. That ecstasy is beyond any of those, and all of those are pretty amazing. Why? Because the ones I mention above are amazing connections, but the one we experience with...

 Deliver us from Evil. This petition in the Lord's prayer has been a meditative mantra I have said, breathed, played in my mind and heart over and over and over these last few months. And, I realize, in so many ways, how God has delivered me, my husband and so many others from evil in so many ways, both in the past and present. And my worst, bump in the middle of the night anxiety, is the, What if He stops now? What if the Evil spreads, and isn't stopped and it goes on and on and on and on? What if I go completely broke and can't do a thing to work? What if ? What if? In the midst of the noise, the word that has emerged for me as the summer starts to fade from its intense light and even more intense heat where we live here in Granada, is the word, Help. There has always been discussion about a women's role, either in the church or out of the church, and lately with a more conservative breeze in the works, all these discussions have popped back up again. Suddenly, people...

 You see, this is the horrible thing with evil. It isn't all evil, it's what Jesus called, wolves in sheeps clothing. Wolves are animals, about the same size as sheep. Dressed up in fluffy wool, from a distance, they may look passive, fluffy and cuddly, but really they are vicious violent predators that eat meat and not grass. They are not to be messed with. The current events around the world. The sanctioned kidnappings and deportations. The forced labor and slavery. The bombings and political manipulations, and the list goes on and on and on. We wake up every morning wondering, what next?  The last couple of weeks, the calculated starvation of an entire nation of 2 million people has overwhelmed me. There have been moments where I have lost my own appetite. I heard that at one moment a kilo of flour was being sold for 85 dollars, and I barely pay 85 cents for my own kilo. As I knead my dough for pizza or hamburger buns, I have cried over this. And this week, my TikTok feed i...

 This Monday, my grandfather, Eddie Bayuszik would have turned 100 years old. Just 29 years ago, before his 71st birthday, he had a massive heartattack while taking a deposition at the courthouse he still freelanced for, and died. I wasn't yet 19 years old, our birthdays are seperated by just 10 days, and I'm the oldest of the grandkids. We were devasted as he was a, as my Spanish friends say, personaje, or a character. I won't talk about everything here, but he was a WW2 Navy vet that had impeccable handwriting and became a court reporter or stenographer.  He was tall, loud, funny, adored chocolate and tomatoes even though he was allergic later in life. He laughed hard, played hard, had a brilliant mind and memory and was the first real feminist to send all 5 of his daughters to college and wave his big red hankerchief when they walked down the graduation aisle. I know I owe my brains to him (and of course my mother!) my ability to talk to to anyone from anywhere at anytim...