jamie's wanderings

 Looking back over the posts I've done for the last 2 years, I can see its been a bit of a manifesto, or maybe because that word is tinged with too much negativety, a sort of thesis. Martin Luther did his, and since he didn't have the internet, he pegged his to the door of a building so that all could see and read. This, is my way of pegging it to the door. What the good news God has given us is. What it isn't. And how I, as an American happily transplanted to Spain, have learned in the 22 years (as of 2 days ago) what it looks like to live and work out my own faith in fear and trembling in a world of which I was not raised, but now call my home. These questions are never going away, as life changes and we adapt, we still ask the same questions, and are reminded of these answers and of these, I am not ashamed of them. The good news is God wants to give us abundant life, and freedom, and life that is full of Love, Patience, Peace, Kindness and Joy. In contrast to the bad new...

 I've been privy to a religious meeting with powerful religious fervor. And in more than one expression of faith. It's amazing. And sometimes I've experienced it even outside of a religious context. The connection you experience when a group of people, maybe 3 or maybe 30,000 comes together for a common goal, a cause, a belief. It gives me goosebumps remembering moments of connection to each other and the Divine. Some have been concerts, others worship services, and some just being together in the same room with a guitar and a few voices and suddenly you've been caught into a moment of pure and amazing ecstasy. That dopamine rush is unlike any others, not the one you have during sex or finishing a long race, or picking up a small baby to meet him or her for the first time, or your first kiss or hand hold. That ecstasy is beyond any of those, and all of those are pretty amazing. Why? Because the ones I mention above are amazing connections, but the one we experience with...

 Deliver us from Evil. This petition in the Lord's prayer has been a meditative mantra I have said, breathed, played in my mind and heart over and over and over these last few months. And, I realize, in so many ways, how God has delivered me, my husband and so many others from evil in so many ways, both in the past and present. And my worst, bump in the middle of the night anxiety, is the, What if He stops now? What if the Evil spreads, and isn't stopped and it goes on and on and on and on? What if I go completely broke and can't do a thing to work? What if ? What if? In the midst of the noise, the word that has emerged for me as the summer starts to fade from its intense light and even more intense heat where we live here in Granada, is the word, Help. There has always been discussion about a women's role, either in the church or out of the church, and lately with a more conservative breeze in the works, all these discussions have popped back up again. Suddenly, people...

 You see, this is the horrible thing with evil. It isn't all evil, it's what Jesus called, wolves in sheeps clothing. Wolves are animals, about the same size as sheep. Dressed up in fluffy wool, from a distance, they may look passive, fluffy and cuddly, but really they are vicious violent predators that eat meat and not grass. They are not to be messed with. The current events around the world. The sanctioned kidnappings and deportations. The forced labor and slavery. The bombings and political manipulations, and the list goes on and on and on. We wake up every morning wondering, what next?  The last couple of weeks, the calculated starvation of an entire nation of 2 million people has overwhelmed me. There have been moments where I have lost my own appetite. I heard that at one moment a kilo of flour was being sold for 85 dollars, and I barely pay 85 cents for my own kilo. As I knead my dough for pizza or hamburger buns, I have cried over this. And this week, my TikTok feed i...

 This Monday, my grandfather, Eddie Bayuszik would have turned 100 years old. Just 29 years ago, before his 71st birthday, he had a massive heartattack while taking a deposition at the courthouse he still freelanced for, and died. I wasn't yet 19 years old, our birthdays are seperated by just 10 days, and I'm the oldest of the grandkids. We were devasted as he was a, as my Spanish friends say, personaje, or a character. I won't talk about everything here, but he was a WW2 Navy vet that had impeccable handwriting and became a court reporter or stenographer.  He was tall, loud, funny, adored chocolate and tomatoes even though he was allergic later in life. He laughed hard, played hard, had a brilliant mind and memory and was the first real feminist to send all 5 of his daughters to college and wave his big red hankerchief when they walked down the graduation aisle. I know I owe my brains to him (and of course my mother!) my ability to talk to to anyone from anywhere at anytim...

      When I was a child, I was told the stories of my grandparents conversion to Protestantism from Catholicism. They later told me how the Catholic church had been dead, with no life, and no hope. Seventy Five years later, the world has changed, and many things for the worse, and others for the better. Since 2013 I have followed and read Pope Francis's thoughts and words as well as even more, his actions to show the world that there is another way. His massive empahsis on mercy and compassion, caring for the least of these in Jesus' name impacted me greatly. Partially, this all touched me more, as in a moment of walking through what my own faith means and what it means to daily practice it, has been in complete upheaval. Those in my past that I thought believed, I have seen through their lives and actions that power was more important that service. That control meant more than compassion and mercy. And that the Gospel to them was correct theology believed, held and prea...