I've been privy to a religious meeting with powerful religious fervor.

And in more than one expression of faith.

It's amazing. And sometimes I've experienced it even outside of a religious context.

The connection you experience when a group of people, maybe 3 or maybe 30,000 comes together for a common goal, a cause, a belief. It gives me goosebumps remembering moments of connection to each other and the Divine. Some have been concerts, others worship services, and some just being together in the same room with a guitar and a few voices and suddenly you've been caught into a moment of pure and amazing ecstasy. That dopamine rush is unlike any others, not the one you have during sex or finishing a long race, or picking up a small baby to meet him or her for the first time, or your first kiss or hand hold. That ecstasy is beyond any of those, and all of those are pretty amazing.

Why? Because the ones I mention above are amazing connections, but the one we experience within a group of persons all together is beyond comprehension. When you sit in the movie theater and its full of people and you watched that movie, fill in the blanks, and you all felt it together, and not just alone in your living room, that feeling too.

But, there are moments, that I've experienced, that I'd never want to experience again. Because deep in the soul, I've known that these are false moments.

They look and feel distinctly like the real ones. But you walk away feeling empty, or at very last half full. It feels in the very act, fake, rushed, manufactured for your benefit.

It could be a bad movie you had hoped for more. A religious service in which you peeked behind the curtain and saw the Wizard of Oz was not what everyone said he was. A rabbit hole you fell down and realized it was all just a dream, smoke and mirrors, a true fantasy.

But if you've never experienced the real thing, it's hard to tell the con artist from the real deal. If all you've ever seen is crappy movies, you might not understand what the real ones look and feel like. If you've never grasped the depth of the mystery of it all, you will be content to play in the mud like the dwarves do in the Last Battle in C.S. Lewis climatic book of the Narnia world.

Watching the recent events, the political violence, the rhetoric, has been overwhelmingly sad. I am grieved.

I am lucky to have been in exile for over 22 years and have watched from across the pond as life has changed and twisted and turned. And one of the things that grieves me to is to see so many people who I presumed had experienced the real deal, get deceived and sucked into the shadows and mud of this current era.

So What is the Real Deal? It's like eating a real tomato after months of hothouse ones. The smell, the taste, the texture, it puts all other tomatoes you've eaten before to shame. Just writing the phrase made both you and me smell it.

And in remembering the smell of a real tomato, all the awful ones we've consumed before fade into black.

Which brings me to the point of this moment. I watched things unfold this last weekend in a later hotly discussed and deeply debated as well as highly praised or critiqued memorial service. As much as I as a person who believes in forgiveness reveled in the phrase, "I forgive you", most of what was said felt hollow, empty, and a little like a hothouse tomato. It looked and felt a little like the real deal, but when you bit in, the texture was wrong, the flavor was flat and the fruit well just disappointing.

The fireworks, the logos everywhere, the after fact knowing that merchandise was sold at a funeral,the lack of persons of color in a state where 49% of the population are persons of color, and the hype and hyped emotion, felt manufactured.

But so many people said, But they said all the right things!!!!!!

Yes, yes they did.

And this is where I differ with everyone. A famous photographer shoots mass nudes, and one of his most remarkable shots is a crowd of nudes draped in transparent tulle. It masks the identity of the person, but underneath, you can still distinctly see the nudity. The words that spoke about God and Jesus and Love were there, but if you looked a little hard, nationalism, white supremacy, pride, anger and yes, even hate where all easily seen.

I've been to political rallys and this was one. But under the guise of a funeral and worse, under the guise of using faith to draw a demographic in to convince them they were right and everyone else, was wrong. Faith, or words about faith, or even using the word Gospel to manipulate and control and convince and sway, is not what Jesus did.

And maybe, its easy to fall into it, because many of us have never had a moment that was like the men on the road to Emmaus had with Jesus. Where he walked with them, answered their questions and later they realized who he was.

Or, maybe just a quieter moment, of deep peace that no one else understands, not even you, but knowing that God, and His voice, has led you, opened and closed doors, protected you, delivered you from evil, given you his daily bread, helped you to forgive when you couldn't anymore. That real moment, maybe you haven't had it.

I have. And even though I adore the ecstasy of the feels of the group meetings, I met God and meet God in those still small moments.

That moment in bed with my husband when we just lay there and slightly snore on a Thursday afternoon.

That moment when I walk around the city and see how amazing the world is that I live and work in.

That moment when I drive down to the coast in my car, and crest over the hill and see what color the sea is today and what the clouds look like.

And know, that He is bigger than the mountains I just drove through. And that no matter how small I feel, He takes care of me. He loved me so much He came to show us through his words, deeds, and resurrection that we might live abundant life now, and not just hopeful for the next. That he cares about how I use my time, money and resources more than anything else, and that no matter what happens, I can never be removed from the cleft of His rock, from the palm of His hand.

That service I watched, it was pretty amazing. But it was like a hot house tomato, badly textured and all the wrong flavors. The real tomato, the Gospel that needs words with the actions can't say it all, I've tasted it.

And you can too. Come, and taste and see, that He is good. And that evil, although here and now, won't last forever, and someday, will fade into black.