Last week we had our monthly English service, and one of our church members, Peter Jones, spoke.
His passage from Luke was when Peter encounters Jesus in realife, by the Lake of Galilee and Peter is pretty discouraged. Jesus says, Throw out the the nets, and Peter says, Man, we didn't even get a minnow last night.
Its not terribly far from how I feel regarding these last two years. In 2008, Andrew and I did a whirlwind travel of the Eastern US, and we didn't see a whole lot of financial results, even though a lot were promised. Instead,we limped back to Spain on a lot of broken promises, and the news of Penny's cancer in her bones this time, not just her breast.
And for a year a half we bumped back and forth from Spain to Atlanta to Atlanta to Spain, with a few brief moments in Chicago, but not as many as I would have liked. If you've read my blogs from last Thanksgiving/Christmas, you saw how I personally wrestled with going back to Atlanta, and not to Chicago or even staying in Granada for a quieter Christmas.
When we finally returned to Granada mid-February, all we wanted was soul rest. Not just phyiscal rest, and yes, we were tired, but soul rest. This winter and spring passed in a long, dull dream. I don't remember much, and Andrew remembers less, but we took it one day at a time, as we still are.
However, we woke up, or so it felt like, after Emma's wedding, or perhaps that's what woke us. We returned to Granada tired, but feeling different in our souls. Our Fourth of July party was the first time we really wanted to actually have people in our home and have a good time. Apparently we had such a good time we made our neighbors jealous!
Again, August was difficult and I realized we needed more soul rest. After vacation, we sprinted up to England and found it. With green pastures both phsyically and metaphorically, we returned to Granada yet a little more renewed.
This fall to put it mildly has still been a massive challenge. There are still days that grief overrides all, and numbness or pain set back in. Yet, there are other days we wake up and say, lets go..and we go. Our emotional resources are limited, yet increasing.
But, I still have this nagging sense of fishing all night, and not really having much to show for it. Penny's victorious passing was not the victory that we as humans think when someone battles cancer. My bank account, although having seen more money this year than in several years, again is empty. My papers, that I"ve worked so hard to get, still are "en tramite" in process. Andrew is still finding his niche, and he's come a massive distance. There are conflicts still in process to be resolved, and reconciliation in certain areas is still really needed.
So, last week I prayed. I pray the same today. I want to see the nets full. I want to know God's holiness again. I want to be overwhlemed by who He is. I want to see God's personal touch. I want Him to come sit in my boat.
Slowly, it's begun. Andrew got his medicine for 6 euros instead of 60. We received work for 2 different intense translations. Another student has signed up to take classes from Andrew. But I still want to see the nets full, not just with my bank account, but in my life. Come, Lord Jesus, Come.